04.07 Positive Parenting – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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04.07 Positive Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 04.07 Positive Parenting

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.04.07 Positive Parenting

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 04.07 Positive Parenting

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development 04.07 Positive Parenting

04.07 Positive Parenting

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 04.07 Positive Parenting

Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for 04.07 Positive Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. 04.07 Positive Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to become the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 04.07 Positive Parenting

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling under it

• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … 04.07 Positive Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. 04.07 Positive Parenting

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 04.07 Positive Parenting

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 04.07 Positive Parenting

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 04.07 Positive Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 04.07 Positive Parenting

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 04.07 Positive Parenting


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