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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. 10 Month Old Throwing Tantrums
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