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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. 10 Parenting Tips
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.10 Parenting Tips
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 10 Parenting Tips
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development 10 Parenting Tips
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 10 Parenting Tips
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want 10 Parenting Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 10 Parenting Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 10 Parenting Tips
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … 10 Parenting Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. 10 Parenting Tips
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 10 Parenting Tips
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 10 Parenting Tips
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 10 Parenting Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 10 Parenting Tips
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. 10 Parenting Tips
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