11 Month Old Tantrums – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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11 Month Old Tantrums
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 11 Month Old Tantrums

There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.11 Month Old Tantrums

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 11 Month Old Tantrums

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development 11 Month Old Tantrums

11 Month Old Tantrums

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 11 Month Old Tantrums

Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they ask for 11 Month Old Tantrums

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 11 Month Old Tantrums

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 11 Month Old Tantrums

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … 11 Month Old Tantrums

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. 11 Month Old Tantrums

This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 11 Month Old Tantrums

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 11 Month Old Tantrums

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? 11 Month Old Tantrums

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 11 Month Old Tantrums

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 11 Month Old Tantrums


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