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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. 11 Month Old Temper Tantrum
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