11 Year Old Girl – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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11 Year Old Girl
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. 11 Year Old Girl

There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.11 Year Old Girl

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 11 Year Old Girl

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development 11 Year Old Girl

11 Year Old Girl

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? 11 Year Old Girl

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they want 11 Year Old Girl

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. 11 Year Old Girl

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. 11 Year Old Girl

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it

• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … 11 Year Old Girl

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. 11 Year Old Girl

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 11 Year Old Girl

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 11 Year Old Girl

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 11 Year Old Girl

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 11 Year Old Girl

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. 11 Year Old Girl


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