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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. 12 Month Old Tantrums
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.12 Month Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 12 Month Old Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development 12 Month Old Tantrums
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 12 Month Old Tantrums
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for 12 Month Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 12 Month Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 12 Month Old Tantrums
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 12 Month Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. 12 Month Old Tantrums
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 12 Month Old Tantrums
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 12 Month Old Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 12 Month Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 12 Month Old Tantrums
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 12 Month Old Tantrums
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