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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. 12 Year Old Daughter
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.12 Year Old Daughter
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 12 Year Old Daughter
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development 12 Year Old Daughter
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 12 Year Old Daughter
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for 12 Year Old Daughter
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 12 Year Old Daughter
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 12 Year Old Daughter
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … 12 Year Old Daughter
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. 12 Year Old Daughter
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 12 Year Old Daughter
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 12 Year Old Daughter
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 12 Year Old Daughter
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 12 Year Old Daughter
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 12 Year Old Daughter
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