12 Year Old Girls – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

12 Year Old Girls
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 12 Year Old Girls

There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.12 Year Old Girls

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 12 Year Old Girls

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development 12 Year Old Girls

12 Year Old Girls

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 12 Year Old Girls

Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they ask for 12 Year Old Girls

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. 12 Year Old Girls

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 12 Year Old Girls

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it

• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … 12 Year Old Girls

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. 12 Year Old Girls

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 12 Year Old Girls

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 12 Year Old Girls

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? 12 Year Old Girls

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 12 Year Old Girls

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 12 Year Old Girls


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!