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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 123 Discipline Method
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.123 Discipline Method
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 123 Discipline Method
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development 123 Discipline Method
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? 123 Discipline Method
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for 123 Discipline Method
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 123 Discipline Method
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 123 Discipline Method
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … 123 Discipline Method
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. 123 Discipline Method
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 123 Discipline Method
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 123 Discipline Method
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 123 Discipline Method
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 123 Discipline Method
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. 123 Discipline Method
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.