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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. 123 Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.123 Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 123 Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development 123 Discipline
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 123 Discipline
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for 123 Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. 123 Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. 123 Discipline
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … 123 Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. 123 Discipline
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 123 Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 123 Discipline
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? 123 Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 123 Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 123 Discipline
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