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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. 123 Method
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.123 Method
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 123 Method
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development 123 Method
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 123 Method
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want 123 Method
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. 123 Method
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 123 Method
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … 123 Method
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 123 Method
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 123 Method
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 123 Method
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 123 Method
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 123 Method
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. 123 Method
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