13 Month Tantrums – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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13 Month Tantrums
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. 13 Month Tantrums

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.13 Month Tantrums

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 13 Month Tantrums

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development 13 Month Tantrums

13 Month Tantrums

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 13 Month Tantrums

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they want 13 Month Tantrums

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. 13 Month Tantrums

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy shares to assist you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 13 Month Tantrums

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … 13 Month Tantrums

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. 13 Month Tantrums

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 13 Month Tantrums

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 13 Month Tantrums

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 13 Month Tantrums

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 13 Month Tantrums

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 13 Month Tantrums


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