Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.14 Mo Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach 14 Mo Old Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development 14 Mo Old Tantrums
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 14 Mo Old Tantrums
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for 14 Mo Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … 14 Mo Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 14 Mo Old Tantrums
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 14 Mo Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 14 Mo Old Tantrums
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.