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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 14 Month Old Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.14 Month Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 14 Month Old Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development 14 Month Old Tantrums
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 14 Month Old Tantrums
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for 14 Month Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. 14 Month Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 14 Month Old Tantrums
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … 14 Month Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. 14 Month Old Tantrums
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 14 Month Old Tantrums
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? 14 Month Old Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? 14 Month Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 14 Month Old Tantrums
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 14 Month Old Tantrums
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