Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. 14 Month Old Temper Tantrums
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.