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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.15 Month Old Picky Eater
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 15 Month Old Picky Eater
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development 15 Month Old Picky Eater
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 15 Month Old Picky Eater
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for 15 Month Old Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … 15 Month Old Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 15 Month Old Picky Eater
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 15 Month Old Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 15 Month Old Picky Eater
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