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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.16 Month Old Picky Eater
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 16 Month Old Picky Eater
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development 16 Month Old Picky Eater
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 16 Month Old Picky Eater
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want 16 Month Old Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … 16 Month Old Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 16 Month Old Picky Eater
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 16 Month Old Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. 16 Month Old Picky Eater
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