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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 18 Month Old Hitting Mom In Face
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