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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.2 Years Old And Not Talking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 2 Years Old And Not Talking
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development 2 Years Old And Not Talking
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 2 Years Old And Not Talking
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want 2 Years Old And Not Talking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … 2 Years Old And Not Talking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? 2 Years Old And Not Talking
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 2 Years Old And Not Talking
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. 2 Years Old And Not Talking
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