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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. 20 Month Old Hitting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.20 Month Old Hitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 20 Month Old Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development 20 Month Old Hitting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 20 Month Old Hitting
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for 20 Month Old Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. 20 Month Old Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 20 Month Old Hitting
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … 20 Month Old Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. 20 Month Old Hitting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 20 Month Old Hitting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 20 Month Old Hitting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? 20 Month Old Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 20 Month Old Hitting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. 20 Month Old Hitting
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