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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 23 Month Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.23 Month Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 23 Month Old
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development 23 Month Old
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 23 Month Old
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for 23 Month Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 23 Month Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 23 Month Old
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … 23 Month Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. 23 Month Old
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 23 Month Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? 23 Month Old
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? 23 Month Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 23 Month Old
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 23 Month Old
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