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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Parent Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.3 Parent Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 3 Parent Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development 3 Parent Child
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 3 Parent Child
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want 3 Parent Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. 3 Parent Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 3 Parent Child
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 3 Parent Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. 3 Parent Child
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 3 Parent Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 3 Parent Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? 3 Parent Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Parent Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. 3 Parent Child
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