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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Year Old Bully
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.3 Year Old Bully
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 3 Year Old Bully
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development 3 Year Old Bully
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 3 Year Old Bully
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for 3 Year Old Bully
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. 3 Year Old Bully
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 3 Year Old Bully
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling under it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … 3 Year Old Bully
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. 3 Year Old Bully
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 3 Year Old Bully
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? 3 Year Old Bully
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? 3 Year Old Bully
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Year Old Bully
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 3 Year Old Bully
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