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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 3 Year Old Hitting And Kicking
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.