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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Year Old Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.3 Year Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach 3 Year Old Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development 3 Year Old Tantrums
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 3 Year Old Tantrums
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want 3 Year Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 3 Year Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 3 Year Old Tantrums
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … 3 Year Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. 3 Year Old Tantrums
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 3 Year Old Tantrums
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 3 Year Old Tantrums
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? 3 Year Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 3 Year Old Tantrums
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 3 Year Old Tantrums
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