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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 3 Year Old Whining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.3 Year Old Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 3 Year Old Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development 3 Year Old Whining
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 3 Year Old Whining
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want 3 Year Old Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 3 Year Old Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 3 Year Old Whining
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … 3 Year Old Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. 3 Year Old Whining
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 3 Year Old Whining
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 3 Year Old Whining
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? 3 Year Old Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Year Old Whining
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. 3 Year Old Whining
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