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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 3 Yr Old Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.3 Yr Old Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 3 Yr Old Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development 3 Yr Old Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 3 Yr Old Discipline
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for 3 Yr Old Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. 3 Yr Old Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 3 Yr Old Discipline
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … 3 Yr Old Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. 3 Yr Old Discipline
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 3 Yr Old Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 3 Yr Old Discipline
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 3 Yr Old Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 3 Yr Old Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 3 Yr Old Discipline
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