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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 3 Yr Old Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.3 Yr Old Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 3 Yr Old Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development 3 Yr Old Hitting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 3 Yr Old Hitting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want 3 Yr Old Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 3 Yr Old Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 3 Yr Old Hitting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … 3 Yr Old Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. 3 Yr Old Hitting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 3 Yr Old Hitting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 3 Yr Old Hitting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? 3 Yr Old Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 3 Yr Old Hitting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 3 Yr Old Hitting
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