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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 3 Yr Olds Behavior Problems
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