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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 4 Stages Of Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.4 Stages Of Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 4 Stages Of Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development 4 Stages Of Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 4 Stages Of Parenting
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want 4 Stages Of Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 4 Stages Of Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Stages Of Parenting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … 4 Stages Of Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. 4 Stages Of Parenting
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 4 Stages Of Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? 4 Stages Of Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 4 Stages Of Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 4 Stages Of Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 4 Stages Of Parenting
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