Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 4 Year Old Biting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.4 Year Old Biting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 4 Year Old Biting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development 4 Year Old Biting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 4 Year Old Biting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for 4 Year Old Biting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 4 Year Old Biting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Biting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … 4 Year Old Biting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. 4 Year Old Biting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 4 Year Old Biting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 4 Year Old Biting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Biting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 4 Year Old Biting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 4 Year Old Biting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.