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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 4 Year Old Chewing Shirt
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