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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 4 Year Old Defiant
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.4 Year Old Defiant
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 4 Year Old Defiant
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development 4 Year Old Defiant
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 4 Year Old Defiant
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want 4 Year Old Defiant
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. 4 Year Old Defiant
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Defiant
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 4 Year Old Defiant
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. 4 Year Old Defiant
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 4 Year Old Defiant
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Defiant
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Defiant
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 4 Year Old Defiant
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 4 Year Old Defiant
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