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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.4 Year Old Discipline Chart
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. 4 Year Old Discipline Chart
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.