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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.4 Year Old Having Accidents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 4 Year Old Having Accidents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development 4 Year Old Having Accidents
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 4 Year Old Having Accidents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for 4 Year Old Having Accidents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … 4 Year Old Having Accidents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Having Accidents
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Having Accidents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. 4 Year Old Having Accidents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.