4 Year Old Not Listening At School – How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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4 Year Old Not Listening At School
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.4 Year Old Not Listening At School

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

4 Year Old Not Listening At School

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they ask for 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

Just how can you become a positive parent? 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. 4 Year Old Not Listening At School


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