Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.4 Year Old Peeing Pants
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 4 Year Old Peeing Pants
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.