4 Year Old Talking Back – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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4 Year Old Talking Back
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. 4 Year Old Talking Back

There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.4 Year Old Talking Back

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 4 Year Old Talking Back

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development 4 Year Old Talking Back

4 Year Old Talking Back

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 4 Year Old Talking Back

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for 4 Year Old Talking Back

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 4 Year Old Talking Back

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 4 Year Old Talking Back

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it

• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 4 Year Old Talking Back

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. 4 Year Old Talking Back

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 4 Year Old Talking Back

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 4 Year Old Talking Back

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 4 Year Old Talking Back

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 4 Year Old Talking Back

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. 4 Year Old Talking Back


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