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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. 5 7 Mother 5 8 Father Child
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