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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. 5 Criteria For Positive Discipline
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