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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. 5 Positive Effects Of Single Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.