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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.5 Positive Parenting Skills
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 5 Positive Parenting Skills
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development 5 Positive Parenting Skills
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 5 Positive Parenting Skills
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want 5 Positive Parenting Skills
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … 5 Positive Parenting Skills
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 5 Positive Parenting Skills
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? 5 Positive Parenting Skills
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. 5 Positive Parenting Skills
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