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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.5 Rs Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 5 Rs Positive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development 5 Rs Positive Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 5 Rs Positive Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for 5 Rs Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … 5 Rs Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 5 Rs Positive Parenting
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? 5 Rs Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 5 Rs Positive Parenting
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