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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. 5 Year Old Accidents
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.5 Year Old Accidents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy 5 Year Old Accidents
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development 5 Year Old Accidents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 5 Year Old Accidents
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want 5 Year Old Accidents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. 5 Year Old Accidents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 5 Year Old Accidents
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … 5 Year Old Accidents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. 5 Year Old Accidents
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 5 Year Old Accidents
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? 5 Year Old Accidents
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? 5 Year Old Accidents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 5 Year Old Accidents
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 5 Year Old Accidents
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