Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 5 Year Old Boy Behavior Problems At School
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.