5 Year Old Does Not Listen – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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5 Year Old Does Not Listen
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.5 Year Old Does Not Listen

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

5 Year Old Does Not Listen

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they ask for 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion below it

• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

How can you become a positive parent? 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. 5 Year Old Does Not Listen


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