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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. 5 Year Old Lying
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.5 Year Old Lying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 5 Year Old Lying
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development 5 Year Old Lying
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 5 Year Old Lying
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for 5 Year Old Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. 5 Year Old Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 5 Year Old Lying
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … 5 Year Old Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. 5 Year Old Lying
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 5 Year Old Lying
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 5 Year Old Lying
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 5 Year Old Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 5 Year Old Lying
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. 5 Year Old Lying
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