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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 5 Year Old Talking Back
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.5 Year Old Talking Back
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach 5 Year Old Talking Back
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development 5 Year Old Talking Back
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 5 Year Old Talking Back
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 5 Year Old Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 5 Year Old Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 5 Year Old Talking Back
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … 5 Year Old Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. 5 Year Old Talking Back
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 5 Year Old Talking Back
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? 5 Year Old Talking Back
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 5 Year Old Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 5 Year Old Talking Back
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. 5 Year Old Talking Back
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