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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 6 Year Old Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.6 Year Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer 6 Year Old Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development 6 Year Old Tantrums
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 6 Year Old Tantrums
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want 6 Year Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. 6 Year Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 6 Year Old Tantrums
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … 6 Year Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. 6 Year Old Tantrums
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 6 Year Old Tantrums
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 6 Year Old Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 6 Year Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 6 Year Old Tantrums
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. 6 Year Old Tantrums
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